Posted by karlahagan on Jan 12, 2015 in A Community, A Story, Blog | 0 comments
I received this text message from my friend, Janis, this morning . . . .
“I forgot to mention that in my talk with Father, I continue to pray for faithful availability and the relationship. As I was praying with the “P’s” this morning, Father brought “passion” to me and to be “present.” Love the talking as we walk together!”
I immediately focused on the phrase – to be “present.” It resonates with me as it was a breaking place for me a few years ago. Feeling overwhelmed and strung out from my daily responsibilities was the norm. The daily demands were too much to order and complete and feel any sense of success. I looked around me and realized I wasn’t present anywhere. I was moving and participating in activities, but my mind and heart were disconnected from these activities, and survival was the goal. A common occurrence was a tight chest and thoughtful breathing as I tried to go to sleep at night. The problem – my children, my husband, my family were part of this equation, and this was no good way to live. “To be present” became an important conversation for Father and myself.
I would like to say it was an easy fix. It was a process and one that I continue to check on a recurring basis. It requires quieting the noise and asking the hard questions. I believe just naming the problem is a first step. Then, looking around and listing the places of focus. Next, establishing the “big rocks” and making the decision to cut or revise as necessary. Again, nothing easy about any of this and the road is different for all of us. What is the same – the person walking with us and the conversation we are having!
Mine went something like this . . . .
“Father, I want to be present. You have given me great gifts, and I need your help. Slow me and remind me again of your intention for my life. The demands of the day have outpaced my ability to maneuver through them in a way that feels successful. I don’t want to live ‘strung out.’ I want to breathe deep and make eye contact with those around me, namely my husband and children. I don’t want to always be thinking of the next thing or crippled because of the last thing that didn’t go well. I want to focus on the ‘thing’ in front of me and give myself to it. I want you to ‘teach me to number my days aright’ and ‘establish the work of my hands’ (Psalm 90:12, 17). I want to scoot my chair close to yours and listen again to your story and my part in it. You have invited me to your grand table and offered me a ‘life to the full’ (John 10:10). Would you bring me people that live ‘present’ and understand what this kind of living may look like? Would you bind the enemy and his attempt to keep me busy and disjointed? Would you make a way and reveal the next step, not the whole journey just the next right step? I trust you, Father, and I know this is important to you. I know that you are listening and always celebrating my turning towards you. Today, I am turning my gaze.”
Praying this for all of us . . . turning our gaze to a Father that is waiting, waiting with love, offering his rest and providing the way to be present!
Check out Psalm 119:81-88 in The Message as well!
I’m homesick—longing for your salvation;
I’m waiting for your word of hope.
My eyes grow heavy watching for some sign of your promise;
how long must I wait for your comfort?
There’s smoke in my eyes—they burn and water,
but I keep a steady gaze on the instructions you post.
How long do I have to put up with all this?
How long till you haul my tormentors into court?
The arrogant godless try to throw me off track,
ignorant as they are of God and his ways.
Everything you command is a sure thing,
but they harass me with lies. Help!
They’ve pushed and pushed—they never let up—
but I haven’t relaxed my grip on your counsel.
In your great love revive me
so I can alertly obey your every word.