“Throw Up”

I was hopeful to ponder significant thoughts and experience great adventures today. Instead – I am cleaning up THROW UP and doing way too many loads of laundry?!? What is going on? My Maya is not well today, and my Mom job is calling my name. And this bullet on the job description is a hard one for me. Bodily functions going the wrong way they were intended is not my strong point! The words of my friends Henri Nouwen and Brother Lawrence run through my mind and heart encouraging me to stay the course, reminding me of the eternal significance of even these moments, causing me to take a deep breath and embrace the possibility of significant thoughts and great adventures in “throw up.” Go figure?!?!

I could spend the day cursing what I didn’t get to do – my list obliterated, my workout missed, my pedicure cancelled, the school Easter party out of my control and possibly someone inconvenienced by my absence. These fleshly themes of my life race to get my attention and undermine Father’s invitation to see the treasures in today. What is more important than a saltine cracker to a tired and hungry tummy, a clean pillow case on a once yucky bed and a simple smile exchanged between a mom and her girl. I grabbed hold of the time to hold her, push the hair from her face and remind Maya that when you’re hurting, there is someone who cares for you, provides for you, cleans up the messes and makes a way forward. That is what Father does for us – grateful to illustrate the story for her.

At one point in our day, Maya was visibly uncomfortable from stomach pains she was experiencing and I had no answers. The ice chips weren’t working, the ice pack not enough, medicine wasn’t an option, and I was out of ideas! I simply asked her – “what else can I do?” Her beautiful response was – “it just doesn’t hurt as much when you sit here beside me.” So, I asked – “you just want me to sit here with you” not believing that could be enough. Surely I needed to do more than that. To Maya, that was all that she needed. So, I grabbed Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence and Road to Daybreak by Henri Nouwen and sat on the floor beside Maya on the couch. She drifted back off to sleep, and I began listening to my friends. They gave words to my heart.

“We ought not to be weary in doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed” (Lawrence 19).

“Jesus always leads us to littleness. It is the place where misery and mercy meet. It is the place where we encounter God. . . . To choose the little people, the little joys, the little sorrows, and to trust that it is there that God will come close – that is the hard way of Jesus. Again I felt a deep resistance toward choosing that way. I am quite willing to work for and even with little people, but I want it to be a great event! Something in me always wants to turn the way of Jesus into a way that is honorable in the eyes of the world. I always want the little way to become the big way. But Jesus’ movement toward the places the world wants to move away from cannot be made into a success story” (Nouwen 88-89).

I am so grateful for the friendship of these two men. They interpreted my events and feelings and reminded me of the way that I have chosen. In the middle of the “throw up,” I found Father calling me to the bigger picture, the way of love. And I am grateful for the rest he brought to my heart and mind. And I am also grateful for the significant thoughts and great adventures of this day, April 1, 2010!

“He took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking him in his arms, he said to them, ‘Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me. . . .'” Mark 9:36-37a